It's hard to explain...

Taken from Landline by Rainbow Rowell.

I find it hard to talk about "love". Talking about guys? Sure. Talk about love 'n' stuff in a very sarcastic clownish manner? Course! But explain how I feel about real love? Not so much. I just don't do it that well anymore, it's too bizarre of a topic for me to talk about it in a way that I can even understand, let alone make anyone else understand. But tonight something clinked in my head and to the keypad I go.

I've had experiences with love on polar opposite levels. I've had that real first time-for-everything kind of love, the one that is new and fun, the one where you can stay up talking until 5am on a school night and not even remember what the conversation was about but all you know was that it made your cheeks hurt, and you certainly don't mind being a zombie the next day in English Lit because of it. The one where everything is perfect until one day it's not. THEN I've had the one where you convince yourself that you love someone that is not right for you in any universe for whatever reason, and spend way too much time being unhappy about it until you cut that cord and get out. (Wouldn't recommend the second option.)

Although I find it hard to put my thoughts about love into any useful perspective for myself, I think I am "in love" with love. I adore how a simple small gesture can tell a person a hell of a lot more than the words "yeah, love you and that". This gesture doesn't have to be grand, or obvious, or boyfriend/girlfriend related. Whether it's your mother telling you she's recorded your favourite programme for you, or your close friend inviting you to something they know you would like. Sometimes it is just knowing that someone has thought about you. Thought, and done something to show it.

Basically what I mean is... I read a book today, and teared up. I watched a little video today, and teared up. Twice in one day. Both the premises of these two things were the big bad L word. And for just a little while, it brought me out of my Ice Queen hostility towards love and brought a bit of warmth back into it for me, and I'm thankful for it.

The video is here if you're bothered.